Isn’t it Way Past Time for Everyone to STFU?

Note: This is short essay about the grammar of sexual abuse and violence and how we inhabit it and it inhabits us. It’s about how we must…

Note: This is short essay about the grammar of sexual abuse and violence and how we inhabit it and it inhabits us. It’s about how we must get it out of our system.

Whether or not you are a victim of sexual abuse violence, this may not be easy to read. But I believe it desperately needs to be said. I apologize to anyone who finds it offensive or triggering. Caveat Emptor.

So, here’s the deal: Fuck you. Who the fuck do you think you are? Who the fuck cares what you think? You’re a fucking piece of shit. Get the fuck out of my face, out of my life. You fuck. You stupid motherfucker. What the fuck do you think you’re doing? I’m going to fuck you up. Damn fucking right.

What the fuck? You think I’m a fucking idiot? You think I don’t know what the fuck’s going on? Jesus Fucking Christ. Where the fuck do you get off? No fucking way I’m putting up with this shit. You’re a fucking cheat. A fucking liar. A fucking fuck-up. I have no fucking idea what I ever saw in you. This is totally fucked-up. Fuck it, I give up. Get the fuck out of here.

Can you fucking believe it!? Holy fucking shit!! They fucking blew them away! Who the fuck saw that coming? Did you see that fucker just mow him over? S/he just fucking blew by the rest of the field! It was so fucking badass! I’d give fucking anything to be able to do that. Best fucking GOAT of all time. No fucking shit.

What the fuck just happened? One minute it was here and the next fucking minute it was gone. Who the fuck could have done this? Motherfucker. I can’t motherfucking believe this. I’m fucked. I’m totally fucked. She will never fucking believe me. This is just totally fucked.

Get up off your fucking ass and get to work. What the fuck? You think I’m running a fucking charity here? Some fucking party where you lay around and get fucked-up all day? This is your last fucking warning. Pull your shit together or I’m throwing you out of here on your fucking ass.

What the fuck did you say? I’m going to fuck you up and then I’m going to fuck you up your ass. I’m going to fucking shove a crowbar up your ass. You better shut your fucking mouth. Keep your stupid fucking mouth shut. You’re lucky I don’t fucking waste your ass right here.

Oh, man, that was so fucking funny! I can’t believe you can literally fucking say shit like that! Even in stand-up! How fucking cool to be able to just get up there and fucking lay into all the stupid fucking shit people say and do. Fucking awesome.

“What the fuck is the problem?” Here’s the fucking problem: The elite fucking billionaires are the problem. They are totally fucking-up the world. They don’t give a fuck about anything or anyone but their fucking money and their fucking yachts and their fucking Rolls Royce’s. They should all be fucking rounded up and shot. They don’t fucking deserve to live.

Aww, FUCK that hurt! Fuck Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, FUCK! Who the fuck left that open? Fucking shit. I need a fucking bandage. Would somebody get me a fucking bandage? I can’t fucking believe this. Fucking Christ. Give me a fucking break. This fucking hurts.

Who the fuck cares? I fucking care, that’s who. It’s a big fucking deal. So I fucking care. So fucking sue me.

Fuuuuuuuuuck, me!

And in the FB and twitterverse shorthand: WTF, FFS, NFW, SOTF, FU, BFD, etc. etc., etc.

Revolted? Disgusted? Horrified?

Almost universally, the word “fuck” is used to express our most extreme anger and contempt, our most serious and menacing threats, our worst distress and pain, our most vile thoughts and dissembling. And oh, occasionally something is just “fucking beautiful.” Great. Just about all of us participate in and tolerate this revolting, disgusting, and horrifying grammar. In our society alone, it is employed everyday, all day, tens of millions, maybe even hundreds of millions, of times.

How and why has the word “fuck” become perhaps the most hurtful word in the English language? To fuck means to engage in sexual intercourse. Sometimes we refer to this as “fucking,” which in most circles is seen as an awfully crass way to put it. Most of the time we refer to sexual intercourse instead as “making love.”

How and why did the shorthand for making love come to mean its opposite: violence, pain and hurtfulness, cavalier and casual cruelty? Why do we all employ this word so often, so readily, and so ubiquitously throughout our lives? Why has all of the progress on women’s rights, gender equality, sexual predation and violence, “MeToo,” and so much more, failed to confront and address this? I don’t know. Isn’t it past time to do so?

Swearing has a long and cathartic history throughout many societies. Apparently societies often adopt some of the most taboo subjects into their cursing vocabulary as a signifier of all sorts of motivations, from defiance to deviance. But, it seems that the explicitly threatening, implicitly violent “Fuck you!” and all of its variants and derivatives clearly infect and contribute to some of the misogynistic undercurrents in our culture and our lives. It undoubtedly contributes to the normalization and triggering of sexual abuse and violence, and so much more.

Don’t we need to be mindful of this? Don’t we need to, if not stop it, at least “check” it? It is still a work in progress trying to stop and cure all of the complex social and emotional factors that drive these violent semantics. But we can stop the use of this word in such hurtful ways.

It feels like it’s time to take a stand against violent sexual semantics. Stop using the word. Talk to friends and family about doing the same. Spread the idea on social media. Suggest alternatives.

One of my sons-in-law, now with small children, has taught himself to say “chicken” when things or situations happen that, for most of his life, triggered the word “shit.” “Chicken!” he says, when he forgets the shopping list. The kids giggle. In place of fuck, “Damn!” seems like a good alternative (but not “Fudge” or “Friggin’,” which seem too suggestive of the original).

Whatever we do or say, let’s be mindful that our actions and our language should reflect our highest commitments and values. Let’s make eradicating our sexually violent language a big [damned?] deal!